Oh god, it is over. The holidays are over. Back to school, back to work, back to real-life. The kids are ready and need to get back to routines and learning. I however am not.

I really shouldn’t complain; I have had 8 weeks off, well not completely off, I did have a couple of children over most of the holidays but there was no itinerary, we went out to the beach/farm/park/etc, we just winged it, I didn’t get out huge amounts of crafts, I let them play whatever they wanted, there was no early starts and with just a couple of children at a time there was no chaos, no arguments or tears, there was no ‘educational’ plan to our days, we just had to have fun, be safe and be nice to each other.

From tomorrow I will have my days planned down to the minutes, I will be dragging Golden Boy out of bed at 6.30am, he will have to share his toys again, every toy and activity will have an educational purpose, there will be school runs in the rain, me cajoling little legs to keep moving.  But not running. I will be referee to all their different personalities and by 6pm the house will look like a warzone which I will panickingly try to put in order (and never quite succeeding) before Biggy gets home after his long stressful day. And oh my friends, I have actually been able to see friends, in the daylight hours, midweek, not booked into a quick evening or weekend visit, LOVED THAT!

mess

Hmmm that rant went on longer than I planned, and actually I don’t really have that many complaints; I kind of missed those little monkeys and will be good to see them after all this time, I bet they have all grown a foot and will come out with many words of wisdom to entertain me once back and fighting for my attention. And a routine might be good; I have kind of let things slide these past weeks, and not having much time to get things done, actually makes you get things done, unlike when I have all the time in the world and I just put off and put off. And of course I actually on average only work about 6 hours a day, the rest of the time I am mummy, cleaner and cook and having been part of the full-time work force, I know which I prefer – not sitting at a desk and thinking shit I have been here 6 hours and still have another 3 or 4 to go, ugh that was hard, cannot go back to that! But I am going to miss seeing friends, speaking to adults, sigh.

My big issue though is my tiredness (shock horror, I know I know, I should have mentioned it), I worry how pathetic and overwhelmed I get once things get a bit busy and my insomnia kicks my arse. It isn’t as if the summer cured me of my sleep problems; I have had many many nights wandering around aimlessly at stupid o’clock and way too many nights reading on the sofa. Even on our wonderfully relaxing holiday in Mallorca I had a number of nights awake listening to the strange Spanish noises, but there was no pressure and that is the key, my insomnia is completely psychological, the more worked up I get that I need to sleep, the more awake I am, simple, and once work kicks in I am going to have real anxiety about getting overtired and not able to cope with everything, I will cry, my family will suffer as I get more tired and therefore more sad and just plain rubbish to be around. And breath.

Oh dear this was supposed to be a little whine and now I have a huge knot in my stomach. C’mon, it is all in my head, pull myself together, I can’t believe I have already convinced myself I am going to be a mess by half term before the term has has even started. I am lucky enough to have a job which allows me to have one more year with Golden Boy starts school – ugh that is a whole other scary issue – and I look after little ones that don’t mind if I am a bit of a mess and sometimes I talk gibberish or forget what I was talking about, they just want someone to play with, and lets be honest whatever job I have the insomnia is going to effect it so why not appreciate what I have got and deal with it. Thank god I am not a brain surgeon though 🙂

Life is good. Sleep is over-rated.

However.

awake

sleep

 

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